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Columbia University professor David Swift is called to the hospital to comfort his mentor, a physicist who's been brutally attacked. With his last words, the dying man gives his former pupil a seemingly random string of numbers that could hold the key to Einstein's last and greatest secret. Einheitliche Feldtheorie. The Theory of Everything. Einstein's proposed Unified Theory -- a set of equations that could explain all the forces of nature -- would have revolutionized our understanding of the universe. But Einstein never discovered it. Or did he?
Within hours, David is arrested by the FBI and taken to a secret interrogation center. But the FBI isn't the only faction pursuing Einstein's long-hidden theory. A Russian mercenary wants to force David to talk -- and he will do whatever it takes. On the run for his life, David teams up with an old girlfriend, a brilliant Princeton scientist, and frantically tries to piece together Einstein's final theory to reveal its...
Alpert's extensive scientific knowledge, combined with his love of literature, make his latest novel a truly thrilling and engaging experience. In what can be described as a The Da Vinci Code for Einstein enthusiasts, Alpert twists fact and fiction and takes his readers on a sprawling epic adventure. Sadly, Adam Grupper overplays his narrator role, reading with an almost synthetic urgency in which his voice takes on an annoying, high pitched urgency as if every word were crucial to the plot. His Eastern European dialect is about as realistic as Boris and Natasha from "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show." Grupper seems desperate to capture the reader's attention immediately and put them on the edge of their seats until the very end, but unfortunately it fails. A Touchstone hardcover (Reviews, Mar. 24).
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
| Price | Condition | Delivery | Seller | Action |
| $99.99 | Digital |
| WonderClub |
Rachelle Dodson
reviewed Final Theory: A Novel on September 06, 2018
Final Theory
Well Goodreads, grad school is over -- and what better way to triumphantly return to reviewing than with my absolute favourite genre....the academic mystery!! Oh man. The predictability. The mysteriously enticing female academic love interest of our characterless male protagonist. The atrocious descriptions and total bullshit deus ex machina. The nonsense that is academics suddenly becoming action heroes. I LOVE IT. YOU LOVE IT. LET'S GO.
So listen this is the worst fucking book I've read in years.
Briefly, it's about a bunch of no-dimensional characters trying to find Einstein's (fictional) unified field theory (YOU know, the "theory of everything" your friend who reposts shit from I fucking love science on Facebook is always talking about). It's dangerous because it could make A Weapons. It's wonderful because it could make A Sustainable Energy. Einstein hid it somewhere, and only a Columbia history-of-science professor with a career history strangely identical to the author's can find it! BUT will the FBI find it first? Or will a TERRORIST?? Oh man oh boy better read to find out.
I read most of this dreck with two of my best girls on a beach/in a car. Whenever something totally logical and narratively sound popped up, I shared it with them. Here is a list of some of those things.
- a Supersoaker flamethrower macgyvered & wielded by a guy who wrote a book about Einstein's assistants
- this excellent and very true-to-life dialogue of said guy talking to a massively drunk boor:
"How about if I buy everyone a shot of Jagermeister?"
Larry's eyes widened. "Hey, that would be great!"
(GEE SHUCKS!!!)
- stealing costumes from a production of Sweeney Todd
- a Ferrari chasing an auto-driving car
- hillbilly bible-thumping kidnappers
- robot brontosaurus
- a helmet-haired southern "grandma FBI" agent with a large bosom
- "What happened to your sister?"
Monique wiped away a tear "She became a crack whore."
- more crack whores
- army guys committing treason for a night with a crack whore
- oh and a kid playing a government-level simulation program on a Gameboy
If none of that made sense to you, don't worry. The context won't help. This book is a flaming mess of unfathomably convenient plot devices, cliched description, unbearably cheesy dialogue, and shitty payoff. Don't read it. I did it for you and the only good thing is the robot brontosaurus. So here look at this picture and call it a day:
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