Between Parent and Child: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication Book

Ok. First of all, I AM NOT PREGNANT. (Nor do I have children.)

Good, glad we cleared that up. So why am I reading a parenting book, you might ask? Well, one of my main self-improvement goals for the past few years has been to improve my communication skills, especially with relation to conflict resolution and emotions.

This book was mentioned in an advice column that has been entertaining me recently ("Dear Prudence" from Slate Magazine). The concepts mentioned in the book intrigued me because they seemed to align with some things I have discovered, like that a fight often cannot progress or be resolved until the feelings are addressed somehow.

This book really crystallized my half-formed theories on communication, emotions, and conflict resolution, and suddenly it all makes sense. It was a quick, fascinating read. Just substitute the word "child" with the word "human" and all of these principles and techniques apply to adults as well! They give great examples of our typical impulsive reactions in certain situations, and examples of more effective ways of communicating.

I've already started applying the techniques to my coworkers, clients, friends and family. First of all, it's amazing how WRONG I've been communicating for so long! I'm very prone to preaching and evaluative praise/criticism! I'd already figured out nagging doesn't really work, but I've realized I just over-explain and preach and talk about what we "should" do too much. Get to the point, lady! People don't generally need explanations unless they ask for one. I over-explain to justify my point but often a justification is unnecessary.

But it's amazing how effective the techniques are when applied even clumsily by an amateur! I've already gotten surprising results just by carefully mirroring emotions without judgement or blame. I've had casual conversations become suddenly deep and meaningful when that wouldn't have happened before. It feels odd at first to just mirror, a little contrived and manipulative, but all skills feel contrived at first until one has more practice and experience with them. And the pleasure and relief my mirroring brought my companions was very rewarding. That was always my goal before, but who knew I didn't really even need to do or say that much in order to bring that relief. I'm becoming a better listener!

Anyway, I recommend everyone everywhere read this book if you want to become a better, more caring and compassionate person and communicator.

Words are the tools we use to interact with others, and they can cause great emotional harm or nurturing depending on how we use them. I'm learning how to express my true emotions and feelings without upsetting others, and it's very freeing and rewarding! I used to be scared to discuss angry feelings because of the inevitable conflict that would arise, and I was starting to develop a nasty temper. Now I feel I'm developing a much better way of expressing my negative feelings.