Husband Material Book

This is a good example of how you can finish a book in six minutes. Emma Goldrick is the pseudonym of a husband-and-wife team, and we know exactly which parts have been written by Colonel Bob and which parts have been written by his doormat of a wife. In every book, There is going to be a hero named Sam. Or maybe his pig is called Sam. Or perhaps the dog. Or perhaps the goose, which is going to be dumped on The heroine, of which to take care.
The female is either widowed, divorced or a virgin. Her height is always going to be between 4 feet eight to 5'2 totally deformed and a sideshow freak but BUSTY.
The Hero is going to be 6 feet and more. Widower/ divorced,with 2/3/4 kids, he does not remember quite how many, his wife had them, when he was away Coloneling in the Army, without any help from him one presumes because now that she is dead and gone, he needs a woman to take care of those brats ,he is still trying to get their names right,and livestock.
And there is a female, right in his neighborhood with a 44 inch bust, which he gropes at every opportunity. Excellent wife material, for him, as taught by his precocious illiterate kids.An older person is going to call him a good-looking boy. The heroine is going to call him ugly. And then when he smiles she is going to think he is almost handsome. Poor blind female. Also with her dwarfish diminutive size, she has to have a 44 inch bust. Col. Bob was fixated with 44 inch busts, which the hero grabs whenever he sees them..
It is only in a stupid M and B book, with terrible editing, that such an idiotic story is considered to be romantic and acceptable fare. The heroine has a vocabulary of two standard sentences – oh my, oh wow. That is what happens when the hero "seals her mouth" with hot kisses, which happens after every two paragraphs. And then she starts calling him Sir.
The heroines are all rich, but have absolutely no idea of how to manage money. They leave it to the hero. While they go. Oh my, oh wowing away.
The females of all these books, especially when they are widowed, have a friend/housekeeper, who tells them that it is the job of a woman to be married. She cannot do without a man.
The obnoxious kid of the hero – he is either an Army officer, or an engineer or a lawyer – hint, hint, guess what the profession of the Goldrick team male was, may have a rich father, but she has absolutely no education. She is going to say sentences like – I do not have no mother. American as taught in America.
The kid decides that the heroine should be her next mother because she can cook. And she tells her dad that. And the dad announces in public that the girl is his fiancée, and when she protests otherwise, he seals her mouth. I was going to throw this book at the wall, the moment the first sealing of the mouth occurred on page 4, and then began to browse through, to see if all the other tropes had been followed. The heroine in this book is of course colorblind, because on one page, she is looking into his brown eyes, and five pages later , she is wondering whether his eyes are dark blue.
Who reads this stuff? Sad that it is being published. But if it is I man master of the house, you female doormat have to be made wife to take care of my children, Yes sir, form of fiction, I pity a society, where this sort of behavior is considered manly, and romantic. The six minutes were for noting the bad grammar, bad editing, inconsistencies, and of course there is a villain who has taken away all the money, but does the heroine go after him? No, she is busy indulging in mouth sealing and allowing the Lord and the master to do all the work. As Nero Wolfe would say Pfui.
Definitely not readable. In fact none of her books are.